SHIT! SHIT EVERYWHERE!!!

   CAUTION: THOSE WITH WEEK STOMACHS SHOULD PROCEED WITH, WELL, CAUTION? 

   

   I have not had a reason to play with my phone in over five months as it does not have service out here, Ryan still finds reason for his but me, I just don't know why I would even have one if I can't text and make calls. So my phone stays in the drawer in the bed side table for weeks at a time, collecting dust and staying out of harms way. 

   About a month or so after Ryan and I got here my phone went missing. Ryan shared his opinion with me how he doesn't understand what is about girls losing their phones and how its, "never their fault." I swear though, it was not my fault. I knew I did not take it out of my room and I knew it should have been under the bed where I left it... lol. 

   We looked for the next couple of weeks and had no luck finding it so I asked lost and found. I described it as having a sticker on the back that said, "there's a party in your tummy." The man looked at me like I was crazy but came back with my phone in hand. The screen was broken and I asked them where they found it, they said it was in my room? Yes, the story that I told Ryan was correct, someone took my phone out of my room and broke it. Not my fault. 

Broken screen and the rest of phone, now used for parts.

   Ryan got a new phone while we were here and gave me his old one, which is exactly like the one I had that got broken. So I took that phone and placed it in my bed side table for extra safe keeping. Ryan told me about an app to put on my phone and so I did. 

   When it had loaded I decided to go play with it while I was in the bathroom, as I thought this would be an exciting app. Well it turns out it wasn't so I put my phone in my pocket and finished my business. When I pulled up my pants, my damn phone fell into the toilet bowl! Floating with my floaters! Still on, flashing its battery light at me, covered in poo water... I thought for a split second whether or not it was worth it to grab the phone but decided it really wasn't my phone to not save. 

My phones death portal 

   It was so gross! How do you clean a phone when you are trying not to get it anymore wet? Dear god why!? I took it apart, took out the battery and washed it with soap and the hottest water setting, it burned. Then I got the the Absolut Vodka, traveler's exclusive, spiced with coffee and almond and rubbed my phone down with that and cotton swobs. I dried it with a towel and laid out all of the parts on some tissue. After that I poured the vodka on my hands and light them on fire to insure that all of the poop germs were killed. 

You have to get crafty when you live in a hotel and don't have rubbing alcohol on hand. On the plus side, my phone smells like coffee and almonds.

   I have not had a phone in so long that I forgot my number one rule about phone safety; never put your phone in your pocket when going to the bathroom.  I have had to fish my phone out of the toilet before (luckily it was just water) because of this mistake which is why I always take my phone out of my pocket and place it on the counter or on top of the toilet paper holder, when in a public bathroom. I shall not be forgetting this lesson anytime soon as this time it was not just water from a toilet but actually something far, far worse...
   If this ever happens to you and I hope it never does, make sure to take your battery out and completely take apart your phone, drying and cleaning every part of it you can. Place it in a bag of rice over night to pull extra moisture from it and only after a full 24 hours, if not longer, can you put your battery back it and try turning it back on.

Phone is now drying out on tissue papers after being scrubbed with soapy water and lots of vodka. Good thing we have more of these phones at home, might have enough parts to make a non-poop phone. 

   Thousands of phones die like this each year, please don't let this happen to you. Also, don't ask to borrow my phone...